July 2010
Hey world, I’m posting not for sympathy but as Mikey said in a song ” This song ain’t me it’s just the way I feel at a particular moment” Well the same goes for my posting “It’s just the way I feel at a particular moment” So today is a bit sadder than usual, I know my day is going to be hard when I wake up crying. Now I’m not sure what the crying is for, missing Mikey, talking to him in a dream, replaying his death, the disappointment in those close to me, my high expectations on people, my parents failing health, or even just the fact that here is another day without Mikey. Nothing extra happened to bring the overwhelming sadness out. Sometime it just comes and that too is how life will be for me. I know I will have good and bad days like all of us. Each of us has them for different reason and to differing degrees. So I understand that I like all of you are not alone in the feeling of ‘sadness/despair/unhappiness/misery/depression (any word you use for the downside of life)’ that comes. If we did not have the downs we would not be able to know the ups. Many of you would love for me to just pick up the phone and call you but I’m not one to sit on a phone. Besides how would I choose who to call first, do I keep calling people to someone answers, do I bother people at work, how long do you think it would take for people to be ‘feed up/annoyed/irked/pissed (again any word you use)’ and many other questions come into play. Like the fact that I have to call my mom everyday which I never did before Mikey passed, I talk with teens 7 hrs out of the day and listen to a lot, as a kid we had (and I have said this before) a party line and could only be on the phone for 3 mins. my dad would hang up the phone on you if you went over. So I vent here once it’s down or out at least for me it’s mainly done. I say mainly because when we are dealing with emotions things ‘creep/sneak/slip’ back in at different times. Many people miss talking to Mikey and I do too but the things I miss (as I have said) is the way he hugged, that wonderful all encompassing hug, how he called the dog names but did it in a nice voice so she would wag her tail, hearing him sing and play the guitar constantly, cutting the filters off my cigarettes and finding them all over the house (I have found a few in the junk draw lately), going shopping with me (I hate to shop). I would say for most days it’s the little interactions I miss. I am ‘glad/grateful/delighted/thankful’ that the sun is out, it’s about 35 degrees for Jan., and I do say “Thank you sweetie” I like to think that Mikey shows me he is still around with the little he can interact in this ‘world/plane/degree/level’ and it does help having ‘faith/belief/creed/ideology’ in that. But I still just miss him and sometimes the aha moments are enough, today not so much. Well if you made it all the way to the end THANK YOU !!! Tonight is girls card night and I will spend it with good friends, playing cards, talking in person (the way I like) and the wheel will turn once again. Thank you for all the love, support and empathy you show me. Love Kathy
You are beautiful and strong <3
If he left without a particular peace, I know in my heart you have provided that for him since.
You’re welcome, and you’re greatly appreciated! Have fun tonight, good friends are extremely hard to pass up!
Kathy. I give you so much credit. You are so much stronger than you realize. You seem like you are going through a lot right now, and also hearing other people’s problems as well. Take a second to treat yourself. Get your nails done, take a bubble bath, buy a new outfit, or however that may be. Go enjoy the little things in life that make you happy. Enjoy some laughter with your friends and embrace the good people in your life.
Love,
Melissa
Thank you for being so strong! I never mind reading what you have to say. Your son’s music and morals have been a big influence in my life and I know as his mother you played a big role in the formation of all that, so I want to say “thank you”. You’re right, we all go through different downs, but how we deal with those downs sets the stage for how much we enjoy the ups in our life as well. You’re strength is something that inspires me everyday. Continue doing what you do and people will continue to appreciate and support you. I know I will.
I wore my R.EYE.P. shirt today, got a compliment out of no where, his music still lives; and his influence on living for the greater good will always be remembered.
My thoughts are with you, Kathy, and all that knew and loved Michael. Keep your head up! Of course I miss E&A, and my bumper sticker, although severely faded, is still on my back windshield. But as cliche as it sounds, his music and his message lives on. Some of his lines are wired into my brain and pop into my head from time to time. I find myself saying them out loud to myself, often when they are applicable to my current situation at the time. It’s truly inspiring to read your blog. I say this because your courageous attitude in dealing with your son’s passing is very remarkable. I can tell you’re a strong woman and your willingness and ability to shed your insight on your struggles in living through this is very unselfish and beneficial to all. My heart’s with you, as are the hearts of all the other countless fans who appreciated him so much, and were touched by his brilliant talent. May your spirits be raised in the new year. I wish you the best. Happy New Year! And thank you. It’s my personal belief that he and many others no longer physically with us are looking down on us helping guide us along our paths. We just have to tap into their spirits. Here’s one my favorites Eyedea lines that is a good one to keep in mind for the new year, “Success ain’t only based on self-esteem; it takes a sense to differentiate between what’s yours and someone else’s dream.”
I can only think that the longest days are there to immortalize the days that just seem to fly by, making sure you remember how time flies so you can catch up with yourself.
I started as Mikey fan, and I still am. But I dont feel like a fan, I feel like a friend. I feel like I know him threw the music and the interviews he did. I feel like Mikey really cared about me, he cared about every single fan like he was a friend. I feel so close to him that I feel like he’s mother can call me when she misses him to much. you are an amazing woman and we all love you!
i didnt realize this site was created until today. glad i found it though and i plan to visit often. i’ve had the chance to meet mikey on 2 separate occasions outside of hip hop shows. i felt a connection for that moment in time. nothing but love and respect until the end.
Thank you
wow, i read this whole thing, and mutiple times i had to stop, and take a breath, im at work reading this, im not one to cry..but this is just wow.. i feel your pain and i feel for you, thank you for raising one if not the best emcee there was/is. i listen to oliver hart, eyedea an abilities, the orphanage, all the shit he did with oddjobs etc. michael larsen/eye one/ eyedea and abilities/ oliver hart.. just genious. you’re a very stong woman to be writing all this. helps you vent, i’d like to read more ..
Dear Ms. Averill,
I never met your son but I recently found his music and I just wanted to say how deeply touched I’ve been by his words. Even though I never knew him, I feel a sort of connection through his music. It makes me sad to hear the end of the song Weird Side because in the short time I’ve been listening, he has become one of my heros.
I understand how deep your loss is and I’m sorry to hear about your sadness. I almost cried a few times when reading this post. I know from experience in loss of someone close to me that the pain never goes away but it does get easier to manage. I hope you feel better.
Thank you for maintaining this blog. I look forward to seeing more posts:)
I’m sure every true fan reads once or more everything you say Kathy with true support and real emotions of love/ happyness/ sadness/ remorse and empathy for the grate lost of Mikey…. I could listen to Mikey all day if I knew him; and honestly I could read all you’re writings and appreciate everything you say about Mikey or anything in general about any matter ….. It helps you vent a bit, you shouldn’t keep all you’re thoughts to one self it is nice to hear all you say, and that is good that you let people know who he was, he was a amazing man, I read alot about him and what you say, and I listen to alot of his music. You were the biggest influence in his life, thank you so much for always being there for him….. He is always “here for you”…. Smile Kathy I’m sorry I don’t make much comments I would like to say so much more so so so much more. He really inspired so much, a huge impact. Much loves goes out to his fans/ family/ everyone that knew him and supports him and his family and anyone in that general aspect of appreciation. Much love to all reading this, thank you for you’re time to all that he inspired thank you. ☺
Mikey thank you so much, I know you’re in a much better and much nicer place at rest; you were amazing in this life, I know you’re amazing where you are now too, it was easy for you to be the greatest here on Earth you were always so acceptent to all people such a kind hearted man, the little things you did made you amazing, and when you did chose to out do you’re self with you’re art man you could truly move a mountain of emotions. I’m sure you’re grate where you are now too. ☺❤☺