Hi all not sure if this is vent or just needed to get it out. The world changed for a lot of us on Oct 16th 2010. To start I have to say I’m sorry for Chris, Sherri, and Cody who where with me when we found Mikey. What I’m sorry for is them having to lose a friend and then try to find away to deal with their pain and me.
The change for me is what do I do now? The things I have enjoyed in the past like music I don’t seem to like any more. It’s hard to listen to, see, enjoy even groups from my day like Heart which I went to last night. For almost 50 years now I have gone to the Minnesota State Fair sometimes I have gone 3,4,5 times. For about the last 27 years Mikey has gone with me. So on my birthday which is during the fair we would go see a band. Now lots of the kids have gone with, Jessie, Janessa, Liz, and the rest of you. Now most of the time as teens they would bitch about going as all teens do but they always went and had a great time. So last night was that night I went with a friend and spent the whole time crying by the way that’s what happens at shows. Emma and her dad Mike took me to Sheryl Crow, Cake which were great shows but again just cried. They were not shows Mikey and I saw ever. But music just hurts my heart.
So last night at the show Sandy and I both cried. We were there just two years ago with Mikey and the kids. We were on the main floor and everyone was singing and laughing. A nice memory but also very sad. Mikey’s laugh was so full hearted, you could tell it came from deep within.
Another thing about the fair is Mikey and I would always go on the rides. We both loved the twisty, fast, turny rides. Now I don’t know who will do that. Maybe I can get my nephew who’s 12 to hit the rides with his old, funny aunt. Maybe that will be another thing I just don’t do anymore. I have had lots of advice from family, friends, and you wonderful fans but I’m just not sure. They say time heals all wounds I have always disagreed with that so wounds just don’t ever heal they just lessen with time. Not a minute of any day so by with out me thinking, wanting, crying, missing Mikey. I don’t think time will change that. I will always miss him, think of him and want to see him again.
So tonight I and my family will be at The Loft in Mpls above the Barfly for the first benefit for the bench dedication. I put together a video of what I would call mainly Mikey’s sarcastic, funny humor and a couple clips of Face Candy. So my family and I will be crying. The crying for me makes the people around me uncomfortable but I can’t hind it or hold it in. That’s just harder than crying itself. So where it’s the fair, a show, a benefit, or the dedication in Oct please understand life is different and the strong person that I am has changed too not only do I cry as some of you know when my passion has been attacked or I had to tell you things, or give speeches. I now just cry.
Love Kathy
Hey Kathy,
You don’t know me and I don’t know you, but I am a great fan of Mikey’s music, Being 30 years of age now, I was lucky enough to be around and listening to the right kind of music when the first “EYEDEA” album dropped and in the following years to hear the follow up music he released…
I am positive to say that being a fan from AUSTRALIA and not being able to purchase his albums at the time locally, I was excited as a teenager to whip out my credit card and put it it great use supporting (as far as I am concerned) my favorite modern day rapper of all time.
Since Mikey has passed away it has not stopped my love of his music or the listening of the CD’s of his that have I purchased (this won’t ever end)
My most heartfelt thanks go out to you and you’re immediate family. May Michael rest in peace & you and your family be forever at peace.
ALL MY LOVE.
Luke Gill
South Australia
Australia.
XXX
its easy to see where all of his love and wisdom stemmed from. you sound like an incredibly down to earth, sincere person and reading these updates reminds me that there are people like you in the world.
I wrote this for you Kathy because I feel your connected to your loss, not because I knew Mikey personally, Not because I’m a big fan of his, but because we are all connected through our pain.
There seems to be a necessity in spirit to manifest itself in physical form. Constant reminders of the lost, mementos making us miss them more each day. Images embedded in our heads of smiles and days that make memories as tangible as reality. When you open yourself up and are willing to be touched, inevitably you’ll be moved. Life is a continuous remembrance of those who we’ve lost and will lose.
Laughs, photographs and all things of the past seem to fade too fast. Normally we cling to the visible, all too often it’s “out of sight, out of mind.” But everything seen is temporary, and that which we feel is lost exists for eternity. For years to come we’ll feel empty inside thinking, “All I have are memories.” But in years to come what separates us from others is all that we have in our memories.
There is power in experience; your pain is anothers freedom. Strength is not measured in muscle, but in endurance and perseverance. Moods and attitudes are subject to change in a blink of an eye, but everything you have become will not falter in the face of adversity.
Ideally we want something that’s going to last, something we can nurture for the long haul. Truth be told, its hard to find comfort day after day. It’s complicated trying to discover definitive meaning amid tragedy and sorrow.
Everything is an emblem, We are a Walking Remembrance of everyone who has touched us. We take traits that we love and make them our own and essentially become a mixture of others.
Mikey’s spirit of Life, Laughter, and pure Joy is yours to not only remember, but to continue while you keep walking.
doubt this helps at all, but I wanted to take the time and at least show you that I’m here for you, though I do not know you and doubt I will ever get the pleasure of meeting you I can only hope this eases the pain today at least a little bit.
Dear Kathy,
The tragedy you carry in your heart is the most profound of all, and there is no salve to ease that deepest pain of the heart that you have ever known, a pain so unlike any other pain that you are but a mute though you weave new words for it, an emptiness of soul so utterly empty that it crushes you from within.
I met Mikey one time, last September in Salt Lake as he traveled about and toured with that immensely talented crew of Cody, Chris, Cas and such. I’ll never forget that show he and they put on in that dive bar downtown, nor will I forget the moment I heard that Mikey was no longer with us. I cried and cried, playing his stuff all day; I still do from time to time when I just need to cry about it.
Yet he was not my child and companion and friend, as he was yours and those honored to know him well. I know only a portion of the pain you live, as Amy, my wife of 20 years, took her life via overdose 1 1/2 years prior, after years of chronic pain and mental anguish. Mikey and she will always be tethered in my tears because of that show–one of his final shows here for us, it was the first of all the shows yet to come that she and I would never share again.
I’ve often imagined her final moments here, all alone, for I was not at her side when she exhaled her one last breath. Having lost most of what mattered in her life, her amazing spirit torn asunder, the only path she could make out in her darkest hour was the one Mikey spoke of that floods me with tears everytime I hear it: to shoot a hole in her sunset sky, rip it open, and climb inside.
I’ve not come away more wise, now 2 1/2 years after Amy left; rather, I am destroyed to my depths. I do know now, though, how utterly precious is each and every moment we share with those we love, and I’ve tried to live that way with those about me, even when my heart is most rent with agony. As did Mikey, my love left behind a secret gift for each who knew her, and mine was to know to my core that truth.
I cry alot, and I too can no longer abide the notion that time heals all wounds, for heretofore I had known no such wound as this one. I know only that every tear I shed and share celebrates the love that delighted us. I only hope that, from mine and Amy’s love and from yours for Mikey and his for you…and through all these loves that our earth has witnessed, there flows a warm spring to nourish our children so that they too may love so gently and so beautifully and so profoundly. To quote and expand on Camus, may we all step into the unknown as Amy and Mikey did: though you will cry alone on many a night, live to the point of tears and love to the point of no regret.
With all my heart, I walk with you.
Kenny
Kathy, you lost a truly exceptional son and it’s rare that can be said with absolute honesty.
I hope there are moments this fact comes to mind and you smile because it is a fact that in my eyes is unquestionable. Thousands upon thousands of people have heard your son’s poetry and many of them will have been inspired or provoked in some way.
Your son was a poet and philosopher, a teacher and a rapper. What he was to you is for you to feel and understand, but to many of us he was an unprecedented talent that articulated our thoughts and experiences into words and with Abilities created excellent music.
Smile. You’re son’s legacy is held in high regard and has an importance to people most people and artists will never achieve. He was exceptional.
Kathy
Your son practically raised me. I literally believe if I hadn’t started listening to Mikey many years ago I would not be here.
I hadn’t cried in a very long time, because of him. This shattered me. You are a very strong person.
Just wanted to personally thank you for all you help.
Chris
Kathy,
I grew up listening to your sons indescribable music. it changed who i was and formed who i am. You have a strong heart and you will always have my sympathy. Micheal’s legacy will live on in my heart and those of his fans forever.
R.I.P. Micheal “eyedea” Larsen
sincerely,
Eli C. of Milwaukee Wisconsin