I just would like to take a few minutes of your time. To start THANK YOU to everyone who for a bit over a year now have been supportive, encouraging, and kind. It has been nice to know so many still love and admire Mikey. It helps cuz sometimes when I look in my families eyes I see the sadness. It runs so deep within us. Mikey was the first born grandson, the first baby my brother held, loved, and played with. The first my sister took care of, lived with, and talked to. She lived with us when Mikey was born. As for my folks he was the start of what it is to relax, let things happen, and Mikey taught them how to enjoy the simple things. That seems to be gone. When I look at them I see their pain, confusion, and questions even now. As I said at the dedication I’m not stupid I know we all have our own interruption of our interactions with Mikey again I have an advantage. I knew what he said, how he said it and then we talked about whatever it was. But none of those talks were about the sadness. How to get people family and friends mainly to stop dwelling on what could of been or what we’re missing. Mikey gave us all lessons/gifts as I also said at the dedication but it’s up to us to figure out what that was and how to use it for good. Now there are a lot of you out there who have improved your lives and the lives around you. You have done art, music, farms, names, trails, benches, programs all in Mikey’s name and it’s great. You have chosen to focus on and improve your surroundings. All what Mikey was about. I know my family sees the good but what we all want would be Mikey. I do believe we will meet again but for now we just stay hopeful and as positive as possible. I think I have another advantage over most cuz I know Mikey is with me. In the weather of course. See on Oct 15th when we had a private gathering at the park after everyone was gone and I dropped off the last person. As I pulled away from the curb. It rained not a lot but enough to use the wind shield wipers and just for a few minutes. Mikey letting me know he’s with me. Then on Sunday which was a beautiful day but he rained on me at about 6am when I was waiting for the equipment set up. It only lasted about 5 minutes. Then after the B-day get together when everyone left about 11pm by 11:15 it had started to snow only lasting about 20 mins. Then on my break in San Diego they had a huge storm even with flooding. Went to Maxx’s show in Santa Cruz rained on the way, a bit while there and a bit on the way down the coast. I don’t think my family feels the connection to Mikey as I do. He leaves me things, play jokes, and is in my head all the time. I’ve tried to let people know he’s still here it’s just different but faith is a hard thing to have when bad things happen. Faith is one of those funny words. Mikey said many times he didn’t believe in faith, religion, god but what he ment was he didn’t believe in putting words, explanation, or description on faith. Once you put words to something it changes. He understood words. But with words is how us humans categorize, define, explain what we think and feel. Mikey leaves signs feathers, water, pennies, white/yellow flowers these are all things from him to reminds us here’s here. Trying to teach us, help us, and love us.
Thank you for reading or listening. Words
Love Kathy
I had to paint him… his music did so much for me. Ever since I was about.. 5 or 7 or so… I’ve been terrified of the idea of death. My twin sister and I asked my very religious grandmother about it, and her response was that if we were afraid, then obviously – we had reason to be. Needless to say, this didn’t help my apprehension. Being totally aware of your mortality at such a young age has a pretty lasting effect, especially when your grandmother goes out of her way to terrify you. When I met my boyfriend David, I didn’t care for hip-hop too much. He started showing me some stuff off of Rhymesayers, and I got hooked… I was excited to see that people were doing something in that scene that wasn’t mindless and shallow.
Then, I found Eyedea&Abilities, and immediately, I knew this was something special. As I listened to it more and more, it… I don’t even have words for how HIS words still make me feel. He healed (heals) my fear. I’d been reading and studying so much, and trying so hard to shake it from my mind or to find an answer, and when I heard what he had to say about it, it just melted away. His innate sense of being one with the universe comes through in his music, and it comforts and calms me to this day. I never knew him personally, but I know that you are trying to get across that he wouldn’t want us to mourn, and anyone who listened to him earnestly would know this. We should just rejoice in what we have, and keep creating our worlds in our art. As an artist, I loved what he had to say about that. More than that, he even said that we are all intricate parts of the same mind – so I believe honestly, that he is not dead. He has simply become one with the thing that he loved so dearly…
I’m sorry if this seems weird. It’s just strange that I think about what you’ve just said here, even when he isn’t in my headphones. I look around on the light-rail and see the beauty in everyone… I never did before I heard Michael. I was a sad and angry person indeed. He changed me so much, and I never even met him. David and I were devastated when we heard that he had died… It’s hard not to mourn someone so amazing and brilliant, but I try not to.
Thanks for posting this. Again, I’m sorry this is so long, and sorry if it seems weird. 🙂 Much love and support is being digitally sent from my end of the world.
Reborn as rain….it’s beautiful that you have that connection, I think anyone who has lost a loved one could learn from it. I agree about the faith thing, faith as a concept got marred when people started using it to promote one school of thought or another, as opposed to the simple having of faith. Words can complicate, but words can express, too. In a world where a clear, solid line can’t be drawn through anything, I wonder where people got the idea that death divided us? Not to say that there isn’t a feeling of loss, I just agree that you two will meet again someday, and that it’s very inspiring that you remain so connected to him in the time between now and when you meet again. One thing I’ve learned recently is that we have a lot to learn from your words as well as Mikey’s, thank you for keeping this blog up, it means a lot to me as I’m sure it does many people.
Its great for you and all of his fans and civilization in general that you keep posting your experiences and how your adapting your the change of loss. I feel strength and messages from lost ones in the forces of nature, sudden appearances of animals , weather, and those connections are your strength and love to him revealing you things. The more you trust in this the more he will reveal to you.
His music continues to pierce and mean so much, a genius poet. I think I am and have experienced where he was when he wrote some of his music, and we are our own worst enemy sometimes, connecting to others and the faith of greater things, not religion but the indiscriminate love that connects all things, will keep us going
Thanks for your part in his life
It’s beautiful the your connection is still there Kathy. Please know that you will be with him again as I’m sure you do. It is true that we all are one and nothing without love. It’s love that binds us together for I’ve yet to meet someone who has not known love in some form. Your love for Mikey transcends space, time and this mortal coil of the flesh. I suppose the task in losing someone is finishing the journey without them being there in the flesh. Mikey loves you still as I love my mother now. We are light, energy, and of course love and we will all be together when our short journey in the flesh ends. It is my sincere wish that your family may find peace in the rest of your days. You see Mikey everywhere and it’s because he is with you, love never dies Kathy. All my love and best wishes to you and your family in the coming months and years to come. I know you read all of these post, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Mikey speaks to you through others.
Jeff Bozeman
Keep seeing those signs and gifts Mikey leaves for you Miss Kathy. Especially the hilarious jokes and little teases he gives you that I know must be constant, and reassuring. I can completely imagine the Joy he experiences when he is able to make you laugh or watch you smile!
Concern yourself not with anyone’s thoughts on topics like these. You are the one who understands the truth of how you interact with your son now.
Spirit and energy (same) transcend space/time… whatever we label “reality” is a far cry from what is actually real.
And we all know there is nothing more real than the heart and soul of your beautiful son. Thank you for raising him and sharing him with us. we are so fortunate to have been able to witness his pure brilliance while he was in human form, but he is no less existent in his present state. So of course very much present in your day to day, in fact I’d say even more so.
Thank you for your openness and your bravery in going forward.
talismans are so we can stop and realize there’s far more to life than our limited perceptions would lead us to believe. Enjoy those feathers and flowers as tangible ways to feel Mikey living you back.
I meant to type loving. there he is….! B-)
rest and care for yourself, with kindness
~ Robin