Missing Mikey

Mikey and I had a very close relationship. Some would say to close some would say not close enough, I say it was what it is suppose to be. I would say this is a very hard time for me. Trying to put together the dedication, pre-paring for it’s almost been a year since Chris, Sherri, Cody and I found Mikey. I know it is hard on them too. I see that night very often in my head, I go over the days leading up to that night and wonder what I could of or should of done. But I do believe that when we have done what we are suppose to do we move on. Mikey to me didn’t finish what he was here to teach us I feel he had so much more for us to learn from him but then I think he did give us his all. He tried to help, share, love, teach and enjoy everything and everyone he came in contact with. The anxiety for me at this time of year is Mikey and I have only been a part once on my birthday in his life. Last year at my birthday he was out working merch for Cody/Chris to make money. He asked if I wanted to come out to meet them. We had never been a part on our birthdays since he was born. We talked about me moving in a year or so and there will be times he won’t be able to come or I won’t be able to meet up with him so we decided I would stay home. Now I feel that was a bad decision if we only knew what was coming. At Mikey last birthday we had the celebration at 1st ave. Which wasn’t so bad I was busy and lots of family, friends and fans where there. This year I’m not sure what to do. In some ways I want to just crawl in a hole and wait it out but I know that never works to run and hide. I don’t know what to do that day or either day but a few friends want to go for happy hour so that I’ll do. Life looks different now and it always will but I find a little peace knowing Mikey is still around me, he still gives me signs like he voice is quite when I’m on the right path and it gets loud when I’m not, the rain of course, little tricks he always liked to tease me, the out pour of love from his fans most of you have never even met me. It’s still not what I would choose to have but sometimes we have to take what we can get. I’ll take Mikey any way I can. I miss him so much that somedays the pain is more than I can take than other days it’s only pain but it is always with me. Thank everyone for the support and the venting. All my Love Kathy